What I Learned In 2016 – Mylifeaseva

2016 is finally, finally over (good riddance and peace out). As I can assume through social media, 2016 was kind of a nightmare for everyone. Now I’m not going to lie, 2016 provided many of the best memories of my life! So much happened and so much changed, and sometimes I’d want to cry of happiness and sometimes i’d want to die in a damn hole. But 2016 is over now, so let’s reflect.

2016 was the biggest year of learning in my life, aside from 2012 (in high school), when I learned the important lesson that life isn’t going to hand you anything, and if you want something you better work as hard as you can to get it- on your own.

I thought I’d always known myself.

I did, in a way. I knew who I wanted to become, and I knew when to say no. I knew what I wanted to do and what I didn’t want to do. I knew I didn’t want to do drugs. I knew I didn’t want to sit around. I knew I wanted to someday write a book. I had some things figured out. Decisions seemed relatively easy up until 2016. Before 2016, I was living in Orange County and going to college. Things were on a set track; Go to school, upload weekly, visit your boyfriend who lives down the street and feed your cat.

But then things changed.

I moved to LA, my relationship ended, I finished school and suddenly all I had was my cat.

Living in LA is different than Orange County. Even though I was only 40 miles away my whole life, LA seemed like another planet. The nights started later and went on much longer. The people in LA weren’t like the people at my school in Orange County. Suddenly, me, a girl who had been to maybe four parties her entire life, was sitting in the middle of a dirty old couch in a nearly empty mansion in North Hollywood, surrounded by 14 year olds smoking weed and making out.

This wasn’t me, and I knew it wasn’t where I was supposed to be spending my time. But here I was, my first month in LA, and I almost convinced myself that this was the life I was going to live now. I remember clearly sitting on another one of those countless dirty couches after only two weeks of living in LA and thinking “I’ve never smoked weed before, but maybe I should try it. I live in LA now, and this is what LA people do. I guess this is normal”. A kid passed me a bong and I tried it. I immediately started coughing and thrusted it back. WTF? Eva. This is not you.

Time passed by, and suddenly two weeks turned into 2 months of surfing couches at probably a total of 5 parties I experienced. I saw girls I’d always looked up to on youtube and Instagram fall into the whole “LA lifestyle”. At first I thought they were cool, and I wanted to be like them. I saw them at parties and could never talk to them because I wasn’t in their group, and I wasn’t doing the things they were doing. I knew I didn’t want to do drugs. I didn’t even want to be surrounded by them. It made me feel dark. It made me feel like I was in the slow lane when I had always been in the fast lane, hustling and putting all my love into my youtube channel. Uploading got harder, and something I never thought would happen.

I lost myself.


At the time that I moved to LA, Teala and I were just becoming best friends. Her and I would go to the parties together, and we both could tell that we weren’t into them. We were fun, and loved to have a good time- but not like that. We needed something different, we just didn’t know what it was, or how to find it. I think we were looking for a way to have fun on weekends, but parties weren’t the answer. It wasn’t until one night that we saw someone that we knew throw up all over an apartment elevator because of doing too much drugs that we had a serious reality check.

Who were our friends? Who cared and loved for us? Who would be there for us without doing drugs or ubering to parties? It dawned on us that everyone we thought was our friend was really only there for us on weekends to split an uber ride, and even then, we weren’t doing the drugs, so we were always detached.

Thats when we realized the only real friends we had in LA were each other. Teala and I decided to leave the people who only wanted to hang out after 9:30 pm, and suddenly it was just her and I.

Teala and I did everything together. We were all each other had. We took up so many new and cool things. Instead of going to a party on the weekends, we’d play the latest video games and order Veggie Grill. We’d see a movie. We’d get our nails done or go to Wi Spa. We explored LA and made our own fun in so many amazing ways.

Just a few months later, Sierra and Meredith joined us on our quest to finding the good, clean fun in life. I think they too were girls looking for something more than what LA offers on the surface. And so all of us began to take the world by storm together, throwing Disney dates and dinner dates. We spent time together and had more fun than any party could ever offer, and we did it all 100% sober.

The thing I’d always stayed true to myself about was knowing that drugs and alcohol do not make a life fun. You make your life fun. I’d gone all throughout growing up making the most amazing memories sober the whole time, which to some people may think is weird, but to me, I didn’t think anything of it. It wasn’t for any religious reason, and I wasn’t judging anyone that did it differently than me. Just to me, I never bothered to try it. I consider myself pretty crazy and happy all the time, so I didn’t need anything else to make me have a good time somewhere.

Then I get to LA and it’s almost like drugs and alcohol were deemed “necessary” to having a good time. And that was the first time in my life that I’d experienced that. For a second, I almost let it change me. But I didn’t, and neither did the Savage Squad, and I think that’s why were so strong together.


2016 taught me that just when you think you have it all figured out, you don’t. You will always be growing and learning. It’s kind of like math class, when your teacher teaches you 1+1=2 and then you look at the test and its 1+1=-54574385973+45*^3 =a +b =c^tan cos 3.

Like no.

But that’s life, and you need to be prepared to stick to what you believe is right for you through it all. I say for you, because you can’t be judging people if their path is different than yours. If 500 kids want to do drugs to have a good time, thats not your problem. Your only problem is you, so take care of yourself and stay true to what you need to do for yourself. Stay healthy, stay motivated and know how to have a good time that’s fueled only on the energy of your closest friends surrounding you. It’s about knowing yourself and what your perfect recipe of good clean fun is. That’s what matters.

But it’s not all about drugs and alcohol. I had other learning experiences in 2016, like dealing with the worlds crappiest boys, attempting to hit on girls and have them take me seriously as being bisexual, and dealing with my second depression.

I don’t want this blog post to get too long, but let me recap and you can maybe tell me in the comments or tweets what you’d love for me to expand on in a bigger story.

In the summer of 2016, I turned into too much of a “yes girl”, where even when I was drowning in work, videos to edit and more, id always say yes to everything because I didn’t want to make anyone mad. When I didn’t have time to see my best friends, I’d make time, which would make me behind on work, which would make people mad. When I needed to work, I couldn’t see my friends, which would scare me that maybe they thought I didn’t care about them. I had too much to do- not enough time, and yet, I tried and I tried to balance it all. It became unhealthy, and I found myself filming new videos every week and never getting around to finishing them, and suddenly,  I didn’t have anything I could gather the strength to finish to upload. I was in a complete mess of a cycle and didn’t know how to fix it. I started to become depressed. When I was with my friends, I felt like I wasn’t even there. It was like my body was there, but no words could come out of my mouth that made sense. I was just present to be somewhere. Meanwhile, I would spend my days not leaving bed until 3 pm. I’d lay in bed all day with no motivation to do anything at all. I was so behind, It gave me anxiety to start anything I needed to do. I couldn’t leave my house, and didn’t even bother to shower. Id cry for no reason. I think it was just because of everything piled on top of me that I didn’t know how to fix.  It was bad, and I’m sure a lot of people never even knew it was happening to me. I started to see a therapist, which helped me get out of my depression, but for the longest time, I wasn’t motivated to do anything.

In 2016, I met a lot of crappy guys, which a lot of fans judged me for, and I’m going to assume they weren’t evanators because evanators don’t talk crap, but I’m glad it happened, because trust me- it will happen to everyone, and despite having run ins with some crazy guys, I also had a ton of fun, and stories that will last a lifetime.

2016 was the first year that I got to be single since I was 17. In my opinion, I feel like relationships are great, but everyone needs a time in their adult life where they experience whats out there in the dating world. It’s the only way to really see what you need in a relationship! I had the best relationship growing up, but it took us breaking up for me to realize so much about myself that I never knew existed.

This year was my trial and error year. You guys don’t know this, but a lot of the guys you shipped me with that never ended up working out often ended because we just weren’t meant to be together! (i.e, supports Donald trump, shoots and kills bears, is secretly dating 4 other girls on the side) yeah, those qualities don’t really sound like they align with me. So I went around this year trying to meet as many people as possible and learn about myself. I learned that a lot of boys (most of them in my case) just want to waste your time and maybe gain a few quick Instagram followers. Isn’t that sad? When you’re in social media, you have to worry about if a guy likes you for you or just for your Instagram followers, because they’ll act like they like you when they may not even find you attractive at all. It sucks.

This year, I got used by boys, I got my time wasted by like 59849743 people, and I hit on girls that most likely never got the hint and thought I was just being “friendly”. It was my first time I learned what the true single life was all about, and I’m glad I experienced heartbreak, betrayal and some pretty great liars because it only made me stronger. Strong AF.

And hey, it all worked out in the end, because just as I had been kicked down for what I thought was the final time I could handle of the year (a guy I really liked told me he didn’t want a girlfriend, then a week later- had a girlfriend, yep), I met Adam.

And I don’t need to say too much about Adam, other than he’s a real one and this is nothing but good, solid, unconditional love.


So, 2016, thank you for reminding me of who I am. Thank you for testing me. Thank you for making me stronger. I thought I was strong before 2016, but now I’m ready to take on anything. I know when to say no. I know when to say no, I will not allow you to change my judgement. I will not allow you to take advantage of me. I will not allow you to lie to me, and I will not allow my anxiety to take over my life.

Thanks 2016 for bringing me three other true friends who love me In the daytime. Three friends who are the realest. Three friends who will always have each other’s backs. One Savage Squad.

Thanks 2016 for testing my patience with a bunch of guys who wanted to waste my damn time. Thanks for teaching me my self worth, and for making me learn the hard way how to stick up for myself when people want to do me wrong.

Thanks 2016 for leading me to find my other half. Thank you for giving me someone to inspire me every day, travel with and cuddle with at night. Thank you for giving me someone who truly deserves all the love I can give.

Through all the hard times in 2016, thanks for blessing my family with good health, and keeping my evanators safe and healthy through all of the world’s events.

Life isn’t easy, but it is a beautiful journey, and 2017 is already feeling like its going to be even better.

What did you learn this year??



PRE ORDER MY BOOK “My Life As Eva: The Struggle Is Real” NOW!! LINK BELOW ❤️❤️❤️❤️


Eva Gutowski

YouTube sensation Eva Gutowski (better known as MyLifeAsEva) is a fashion, lifestyle and comedy vlogger with over 3 Million YouTube Subscribers and 5M followers across social media. Each week, Eva shares room-decorating tips, Tumblr-inspired outfits, day-in-the-life videos, and more.

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  • Irayo ewya

    That was great, thanks. It’s time that I see me ,and have fun for me.

  • You’re a gem, Eva. Love the way you write and your transparency. Hoping 2017 gives you everything and more!
    xx Aditi


  • Eva, this was so eloquent and poignant. I’ve already pre-ordered your book so it makes me that much more excited for that, but aside from your writing, the message was so important. I live (as of a month ago) north of LA and feel very, very disconnected from the culture that is LA…and man is it refreshing to hear someone else say that. I predict you’ll be a great voice of strength for people who need this boost in confidence to stay true. I think the most important part that you highlighted is that a bad year doesn’t make you weaker…it makes you stronger.

  • Sonia Maelle

    I truly am so proud of you and everything you did for yourself ! I aspire to find as much happiness as you did. 2016 taught me to always work for what I truly desire and that I’m never going to just seat on my couch and expect for the lord to give me what I want. I have to work my ass off. Not only that in 2016 I learned that often it’s good to focus on you before you focus on others. Better yourself. Make yourself the person you want to be. People come and go and positivity is all that really matter with you surroundings. I sincerely cannot wait to see what 2017 has to offer you and myself . Love you @Eva?

  • Jack Dunphy

    Overall how did u find ur true friends, the ones that understand u.

  • Keliee

    So so so proud of you Eva. I visit your blog often in hopes of finding a new post, and I’m glad there was one here when I did my daily check in. There’s so much more that happens behind a colorful and cheerful Youtube video, and I feel like I got to know you in a different light. You have such a huge influence on young girls, and I feel like you taking the time to write this message was so amazing. Cheers to 2017. We’re in this together. 🙂

  • Jenny

    Eva this is amazing and SO inspirational. I am so glad that you have a book coming out because everything you write is AWESOME! I have struggled this year and reading stuff like this inspires me to look forward in life and look forward to a happy 2017. I hope this year is amazing for you. Love you Eva?

    xo Jenny

  • Molly Francis

    Omg wow, this made me cry but has inspired me so much to cut out negativity and just be who I really am without holding back Just to please others??

  • Mia

    i have never related to anything more, about not fitting into the parties and finding yourself. all throughout high school i felt like the odd one out because i never wanted to drink or do drugs. just like you, i would so much rather see a movie or go to the spa with a close friend than sit around at a party with a bunch of drunk people i don’t even know. it’s so comforting to know that someone like you who seems to have it all could struggle with the same thing as me. thank you so much for the inspiration and happy 2017 <3

  • Kira

    You are one of the most realest people I have found on the Internet. You have inspired me and you continue to do so. I’m guessing some of this may have been hard to write at some points, but as an aspiring author to another author I believe that what is hard to write is our best work once we have written it.
    I’m a proud evanator. Always.

  • Danielle

    Eva ever since I took a little glance at your channel I thought that I immediately needed to see this I watch the first episode and then I started watching more than I watched your whole entire channel in two days I want to become just like you but I don’t have anything that you have I don’t have a computer to edit on I don’t have a camera to film or take pictures on.
    Even though my normal never win giveAways I still have hope that you won’t stop making videos and I might not ever become a YouTube no matter how much I want to but all I need to do is just watch you …..

    I just want to cry but I just hope that you find happiness and love in 2017 and have the best time ever because you can brighten up anyone’s day like the sun you can make anyone happy with just smiling and I hope that you never have to go through the situations I have to

    From all the love and support I love you Eva.?❤???????

    (Started Crying) ???

  • Jasmeen

    Eva, all I can really say is this blog post is amazing and very inspirational. I love that you stay true to who you are and surround yourself with loving and positive people. You truly are an inspiration and great example to your fans! I can’t wait to see all the success and happiness you have this year. Continue doing what you love and make 2017 your year! Cheers to you?

  • Jeniah Cooper

    Was I the only one who shed a couple of tears?? This was truly deep and inspiring

    • Danielle

      I almost balled my eyes out ….. ur not the only one.!.!.!!.

    • Ella

      I’m reading this. Its 2.33 a.m. and I cried a little. This was basically the deepest blog post I’ve ever read. It touches not only the heart but the soul too!? Eva is a super strog woman going to super hard times but she has the amazing support form all those fans- her evanators!!??

  • kallie Shimilimana

    This was by far the best blog I’ve read! Your writing is amazing. Im glad I preorder your book! So excited! Thankyou for inspiring me everyday. It’s true the savage squad is one of a kind! Each person in thr group are the best people to look up too! You vlogs are everything now your blog too! So proud to call myself an Evanator.

  • Sophia Epp

    This is the best blog I’ve ever read on here Eva!! You are an AMAZING writer and you inspire me so much. I’m so happy that you got over your depression and that you feel like yourself again. In Sierra’s savage squad video ‘Who Knows Me Best’, I could tell that you weren’t yourself and were really down 🙁 My heart feels for you, I actually got emotional reading this! I hope you’re 2017 is full of love and friendship 🙂 I can’t wait to read your book!

  • Janina

    Since my dad had a stroke this year, I’ve been struggling with depression.
    Life with a disabled father and a totally stressed out mother isn’t easy. Dealing with the whole situation isn’t easy. But Eva, you know what made me happy? What made me keep going? YOU! You make me so so happy you can’t even imagine. I kept watching your videos. I’ve been listening to your song all the time. When we were driving to the hospital I used to play it in the car and my mum and I were dancing and singing to it.
    You retweeted my tweet once which made me super happy too, I was crying tbh.
    So thank you for everything you do Eva. I’m proud to be an Evanator and I love you so much!

  • Taly Mancuso

    Eva this was the most inspiring and true blog. This blog was so moving, and i am absolutely ecstatic that you moved on from all those intense obstacles this year. You are so real and true. LOVE YOU EVA

  • Robin Morris

    I’m only 15, but I am going through similar things as you did. My friends have been going to parties like every weekend and I’ve been to a couple, but honestly I felt weird the whole time. The girls were nice, but all they wanted to do was hook up with guys and it didn’t interest me considering I’ve grown up with those guys and are close friends with them. In some ways it sucks I’m not invited to parties as much bc I feel like I’m missing out on the social aspect of it, (plus every Monday I’m stuck listening to that weekend’s partying events?)but on the other hand I wasn’t even having fun. I felt like I had to act a certain way to be accepted. I lost two really close friends bc of this but it shows who your real friends are….and I don’t want to change who I am. As for depression, girl you hit it straight on with the description. I’ve been going through with depression for 2 years and it sucks to feel that way, but I’ve gotten so much stronger mentally bc of it. I wish the best for you in 2017! Love you!❤

  • Shania Perkins

    This was so beautiful. It literally related to everything that has happened in my life. Thanks Eva, for showing me that no matter how sucessful you are, that you are also human. You’ve been a really big part of my life as well, and if you didnt know, you inspire me everyday, to live life the clean way, everyone around me are involved with alcohol and drugs as well, but I actually came over it, and got myself friends who actually care about me and my heart. In a way, those 2 remind me of the Savage Squad haha! Its actually pretty crazy how similar 2016 was for everyone. You guys, please continue to inspire me, and even if you don’t feel motivated, just remember ITS OKAY. You’re only human my love. I love you so much! And I never used to put myself out there and share my thoughts because I’ve always thought that no one would care and that I’m wasting my time cause nobody might ever see it, but I hope you do, because this is heartfel, I hope I made your day the slightest bit better!

    xx Shania Perkins xx

  • Shania Perkins


  • Raphael P.

    Thank you for being real and amazing as always, Eva. Love you forever!!!!!!!!!!


  • Lisa Snickars

    I’m 15. I’ve learned some things. But mostly my anxiety and phobia has grown worse. I’ve been sick alot, taken antibiotics and so on. I don’t know wheter that have learned me something or made things worse. In 2016 I have struggled with a lot of things; health, anxiety, friends turning out to be liars and idiots=friendships breaking up, my first real heartbreak, not finding motivation for school=my grade’s gone worse, fights with friends, drama, boys, family issues and so on. A LOT has happened. Good and Bad. It was quite a bad year towards the end, during fall. That was when I got sick every second week becuz my immunesystem sucks. I’ve learned things about myself. People don’t like me when I’m being crazy and talks 24/7. I learned to just try to show the best side of me. I have made wishes for each month of 2017 while eating grapes=a colombian tradition that we started doing since we like Gloria Pritchett from Modern Family so much. Otherwise I live in Finland. I really hope that my family and I will have a great year and that we will create new memories. I hope also to maybe meet my first real boyfriend. I hope that the trip to Alicante in Spain will be just as good as the last trip to Spain. And yeah. Happy New Year to all of you and to Eva. Hope the new year brings more lessons and memories for life. You are an inspiration to me Eva and idk what to do without you. I watch all your videos, all your vlogs, all your instagram photos and so on. I feel like we are quite the same. A little crazy but fun and loving. Plus I also have a cat 😉 Tell Paris she is welcome to meet my cat Essi anytime. Anyways this is a long “comment”. If you read this Eva, know that we evanators are here to support you and love you even though most of us only have seen you through a camera not in real life. I hope to someday… HAPPY NEW YEAR❤️ Plus I’ve gotten really good at GTAV ON PS3 xD Wish wr could play tgt.

  • Monika Ageljić

    Wow this made me cry a little bit on the end. I’m only 14 but I’ve learned a lot in 2016. I realised who are my real friends and I became a true Evanator ❤
    Watching your videos motived me to do something in my life and not just the normal school routine. Your videos made me stronger. When you didn’t post for 2-3 weeks all of my friends were like she doesn’t care for her fans bla bla I will stood uo to them bc you care about all of us and no matter what evanators are always by your side ? so thanks 2016 for everything, the good and the bad things ❤

  • EmmaGebbeken

    I really like reading your blogpost. And surprising; My year was crazy too. I learned too who my friends are and whom I can trust. It was hard but I’m pretty happy about the experiences I’ve made. I hope that I can travel this much as you in future!

  • Tamia

    ThankYou For Being Honesty And I’m Happy You’ve Found Yourself And I’m So Proud Of You Keep Up The Good Work I Love You Eva I’m So Happy You’ve Found Adam And This Also Made Me Cry A Little Bit Anyways Happy New Years Even Tho I’m Late !.

  • Audrey Ryan

    You know what, this is why we love you. You are true and you inspire us a lot. Thank you for just being real because, i know it wasn’t easy for you to write all of this, but we’re proud of you, and i just can’t wait for your book. 2017 is going to be LIT AF?,

  • seena

    this blogpost was so inspirational! thank you eva for being such an amazing person and acting like a normal person to us through your videos! <3 you made this year amazing with all your funny, amazing- but relatable- videos! i hope you keep up the amazing videos, and always remember that we are there for you!! i hope 2017 has good ahead for all evanators out there <3

  • Polina Podkovyrina

    This post was incredibly touching, inspirational and motivational.

  • Nina Šedovičová

    This article was so amazing.? It had an impact on me and I can promise myself that I’ll fight for what I want and won’t settle for less. I wish you only the best Eva, you’re an amazing person and I hope that one day I’ll be amzing like you because that’s what I like the most about you. You are hella hot and you let everyone see it but you’re not that plastic, bigheaded, stupid type of girl. You are still you, funny, crazy and so caring about everyone in your life. You grew up so much over the years and I am proud to be with you for so long ♥️♥️ Take care
    Ps: hopefully Adam is the right one ??

  • Neta

    Wow! Thank you. Just admit you exist. This work has taught me a lot. So, thank you. You’re charming. I’m only 13, but thanks. I really don’t know what to say. Thank you for being such an amazing. There’s a reason why we love you. You are amazing. Love lots, Israel!

  • Victoria

    Your reflection of your 2016 is just wow! I’m finishing my freshman college year, and yep a lot of things try to influence your life and you just want to go with it because it’s college; but as you said we have to take care of ourselves and stay true to what we need. Thanks for sharing this!!! I’m truly satisfied to have read this.
    Best of luck!!

  • Gabby

    Thank you for this. Your post has made me realize that everything we went through in 2016 was worth it, from the break ups to electing a screaming yam as our president (sorry to anyone that likes him, that’s my opinion). Thank you for sharing your experience and allowing us to relate to it, it’s something that we – or I at least – really needed.

  • ines le gousse

    Heyy Eva 🙂 so I never knew how to feel about you cause you’re hilarious but at the same time you would make me jealous cause you’re everything I’ve ever wanted to be.. reading this has really made me realise that even though your insta is super mega on point and all the guys you date are cute, you’re down to earth, have problems too, and started out confused. I’m 16 and I live in Paris but don’t know what to do yet with my life, and have a modelling contract that basically enables me from doing any modelling because they don’t want any other agencies to have me.. I can’t follow my dreams but this post really motivated me, so thank you ❤️ also next time u come to Paris text me and I’ll invite you for a sleepover and we’ll watch mean girls and eat and gossip and bitch about your STUPID exes. @nesssines for the dm.

  • Sunshine

    This probably the best post on your blog. You’re such an inspiration, I moved across the U.S. this year and boy was it a trip. In my hometown I had a Savage Squad of my own, friends who liked me for me and not just did drugs. Starting over made it really hard social anxiety takes over my life. I noticed guys watching me pass and touch my legs. But you made it, why can’t I…?
    I can’t wait for your book and I’m so excited to see what happens next & pleaseeee expand on your stories because they are helpful. Also you should do a blog q & a!! We ask you questions and you answer them ?

  • Becca :)

    This blog post is so amazing it literally made me cry. I’m going through a lot of the bad stuff you mentioned in this post at the moment and just by reading this you’ve made me realise there is still hope. It won’t last forever and I have more control over my life than I think I do. Thank you so much for inspiring me Eva I can safely say I would not be the same person if I had never found your YouTube channel. Whenever I’m down I know I can just go onto YouTube and watch your videos to cheer me up. Even though you have no idea who I am you understand what I’m going through and you’re there for me even if you don’t realise it. I’m so glad you are happy and have managed to over come all your problems you deserve to be the happiest person on earth because of everything you’ve done for us evanators. Love you so very much ❤❤❤❤❤ ( btw Adam is freakin gorgeous and amazing you lucky thing ? I hope one day I can find a guy like him.) Best wishes for 2017 you only deserve the best! xx

  • Sofie Handwerker

    You are an inspiration, and my hero. I hope all of this crap in your life is gone for good, but if it’s not, you will get through it because you are one of the strongest people i know. I have watched you grow over the years on youtube and other social medias and I feel like I have grown with you. You have made me so happy when nothing else can. Never stop being you, because you change lives for the better.


  • Macy Grace

    That was a powerful message for many girls, not just girls but boys too. This was real inspirational for teenagers and older woman. Props to Eva for teaching us all

  • isabella

    i’m so happy for u Eva and i’m gald u learned something this year and didn’t loose the true Eva. i love you so much and you are my inspiration for getting fit and eating healthy so thank you Eva❤️i’m glad u found your self and finally found happiness

  • Ana Letinić

    Wow this was like wow. When I read this I don’t think I learned something about Eva, I learned something about myselfe. This is so powerful and inspirational post that I ever read and I will ever read. So thank you Eva so much for talling this to world. One day it will pay you back I hope.

    With love from one small evanator that loves so much that you can’t even imagine

  • Adriana Massmilla

    WOW Eva you are so strong to go through all of this and endure and get past everything that happened last year. I am in love with all of your videos and pictures from your travels and I hope you keep doing what you are doing because you look happy doing it:) ily eva

  • Lisette

    Damn what a beautiful person you are. Its so beautiful to see you growing and growing. I’ve always been watching your videos, since a lil 12 (or 11?) y/o I think, and eventhough I’m not really a “fangirl” kinda type I’ve always admired you and liked your sense of humor, the way you look, the way you express yourself, the way you speak, the way you laugh and the way you’re just so real..! I hope you’ll always enjoy what your doing and if you’re not anymore I hope you’ll except it and take your time to figure out what the hell’s next. I hope you’ll keep learning. Nah, I know you’ll keep learning.
    Remember there’s always the peeps that will support you no matter what you do and keep chasing your dreams not only for yourself but for them too!
    I’m not just talking about the truue “fans”, but also (mostly) your true friends and your family and your boyfriend.
    Nd remember there’s always the peeps that’ll say SHUT UP to the people who say “You’ve changed…” like it’s a bad thing. Because I myself have always thought it’s not that you’ve changed that much, a person doesn’t just “change”. I’ve always thought you’ve just found out things about yourself and you’re more comfortable with showing who you are (bcuz u r friggin gr8) and excepted who you are.
    Keep doing you girl, and enjoy 2017.

  • Eleanor Roper

    <3 <3 <3

  • kemi


  • Annabel

    Hey Eva, I live in England and I have always wanted to become an actress and live in LA. I’m not gonna lie, you kind of put me off. Actually no, you opened my eyes. My life has mostly been great so far,I was bullied quite badly but that is a grey cloud in a life full of rainbows and sunshine. Loads of people my age are drinking and taking drugs but I really just don’t see the appeal. I like dance. And music. And acting. Not drugs, alcohol or anything else that is illegal. 2016 has not been the best year for me, early in the year I slipped into a dark phase of depression and anxiety. I was failing most of my exams, my friends were not being very friendly and that did NOT help. Some days couldn’t go into school I just stayed at home unmotivated and just watching youtube and Netflix. Youtube actually helped me get out of my depression, just seeing how bubbly everyone was, seeing how bubbly you were 🙂 obviously I had to see the school councillor too and surprisingly she really helped me. So I have a new outlook on life: be positive and positive things will happen. In 2017 I will be organised, happy and ready for anything. Thank you for helping me with your happiness and getting me out of bed. You have no idea. I hope that you have as good a 2017 as mine is going to be! luv ya xx

  • Jasmeen Kaur

    You nearly made me cry , YOUR SUCH AN INSPIRING AUTHOR, LIKE DAMNNNNNN, ??????

  • Carolina Rivera

    This blog post is so inspiring! Thank you for talking about what some people like to ignore. 2016 really was a rough year for you but I’m happy you got through it and learned something about it! I’m happy you found happiness and love and that you have the right group of people in your life! Wish you the best for 2017! ❤

  • jieunahh


  • MOMO

    Dear Eva,

    You maybe know my profile picture because of aaaall the times I’m spamming you. And that’s because I absolutely adore you. In fact: I might even romanticize you a bit. Not in a dangerous way. But just in an evanator-way. And in this romanticizing-thing I do, I created an image of you. This breathtakingly beautiful, funny, hardworking, talented and creative girl that has everything layed out in front of her. Living the perfect life without a single dark cloud in her sky of life. But this post made me realize I certainly did kind of romanticize you. Again, it’s not wrong or hurting me in any shape, way or form. And realising this made me feel even closer to you. It makes you more human I guess. I myself have struggled with wrong friends, boys that weren’t loving me at all, anxiety and worst of all depression. Not even finding the strenght or reasons to get up. But I got help and I’m getting better. Actually much better and I’m finding motivation in wonderful little things in the world day in and out. And actually you are one of those wonderful little things I have in my life (must be strange because you don’t even know me and I don’t even know you in real life). But you are. You are one of my “triggers” to work hard everyday, love with all my heart, be the best positive person I can be and be creative and putting myself out there. You inspire me so much and I’m not saying this to be a “sweetheart” or something. But you just do. You didn’t get where you are now by chance, no you actually ARE a really good person (in and out). And I just really want you to know that. You are my example. You are our example. And for that I can’t thank you enough. All the words in the world aren’t enough to tell you how much it means. So I hope that sketches you a little image.

    Eva, thank you so much. Stay you, the beautiful talented wise little schnitzel you are today because I appreciate that presence of you in my life so much.


    Full time Evanator

    (Also I’m so curious for your book after this post, it will probably be so well written.
    Also I almost finished my drawing of you!)

  • Thank you, Eva, for talking about your depression and anxiety. I struggled with mental health this year, too. It really helps to know that people I look up to, especially you, have also been through depression and therapy. I definitely feel less alone in my struggle now. Thank you for talking about mental health and helping end the stigma.

    It’s really inspiring to see you talk about your experiences and I am so proud of you and your growth in just one year.

    Reading your blogs really make my day, so please do share more of your stories. It’s a whole other form of art that you make and I love your blog just as much as your Youtube videos and Instagram photos.

    Everything you create is amazing content on every platform. Evanator forever ✌? P.S. Hello from Orange County, Anaheim ?

  • Maddy Horne


    Thank you so much for all of your advice, I suffer from depression and you are one of my main influences out of all people now after reading this. I’ve had many dickheads play with me and not appreciate my true self and not the love I had to offer. A few days ago i ended a relationship with a guy who only wanted to be friends and use me. I used to just take drugs to make myself feel happy again, but I also realised that wasn’t who I am. I’m still trying to figure myself out this day I’m 18 which in Australia is when you can legally do stuff. My bestfriend, Angel has always helped me and been by my side she’s crazy like me and we always go on adventures with each other and do fun things without doing drugs or drinking. You’re such a talented person and you’re my favourite out of all the LA youtubers. You also inspired me to get better at surfing and it helps with depression and stuff I find. It helps to look up to people like yourself another person I look up to is Bethany hamilton as you guys just inspire me so much as you do what you love no matter what xx

    Love Maddy


  • Ella

    Hi Eva and everyone who’s going to read this,????

    As I was reading the whole blog post and the comments I started to feel a little better about myself. I’m 14 and I’m from Bulgaria(a very very very beautiful country with so many people trying to ruin it). Most of my friends started smoking and some even tried drugs… I’ve never done either of those. My 2016 was probably the worst year I’ve ever had…
    I moved to a new school. I was so optimistic and positive. I thought that everything would be different. I thought that I would find friends. I thought that I would find “My Savage Squad”. But things didn’t go so well… At fisrt I thought I found my best friend but then as I started knowing her better I found out that I don’t need a best friend like her. I was there for 5 days when I saw a friendly face. That was my crush. He was more of like a “past crush” or sth like that.
    Long story- short: We went to English course together in the beggining 2015 and I hadn’t seen him ever since. I thought I was never gonna see him so I texted him saying that I used to like him but now I don’t and things like that… I was fully over him and then he showed up at my scholl?????????
    That was when I found out that things are not going to be that easy. We started talking and my friends started asking if I liked him and what was happening. He is a year older and he was the only one from his class I knew and I talked to.
    Everything was just fine untill a girl asked me what’s going on between us and if I like him. I said that I did but now I don’t. She went out and told the whole class that I liked him. Of course it wouldn’t have been that easy. She is like ‘the right hand of “the mean girl”‘ and that meant that I was in a lot of trouble. When they saw me everyone asked me about that boy. ‘How is he?’; ‘ Were you ever together?’ ‘ You know? he has girlfriend.’
    The drama began when that “mean girl” came to me and started telling me how she was perfect and I was not and that I’m the reason that she and her “right hand” had a fight.
    It was basically like in a movie.
    Everybody started hating me. I had 3 friends which sometimes hung out with her and 1 friend that was sitting there with me in my tears and helping me to get out of that stuff… I figured that she was going to be my BEST FRIEND, that we were going to be “Our SAVAGE SQUAD” .

    I also had some major family problems… I’m provably going to spill all of those whenever the next blog post goes up.

    So… This is where I am now. I have one friend in this school that understands me and my crazy dreams. I hope and believe that 2017 is better, more successful and happier that 2016. I’m not going to let anybody drag me down for any reason because “I’m a strong independent woman!” and I know who I wanna be. All I have to figure out is who I am now and how to become who I want to be.

    I have no idea why I just wrote so much “personal info” and posted it. I just felt like I need to do it.


    PS. My English in this is provably SUPER CRAPPY. Don’t mind it. I have no idea if anyone is even going to read this until here but if you do thank you. Thank you with all my heart for taking time to read my story. As I read some of the stories in the comments I was so thankful to God that I got away with a mean girl threats and a crush problem. I hope every single one of you fonds what they’re searching for: hope, faith, strength, love, help.. anything

    I’m not going to make this any longer. I promise. I hope that you have the most amaing day today!

    I wrote this with all my heart and love,

  • Zodiaczzz

    Thanks for the post Eva, it was good way to start the year for me, please keep updating the blog! xx

  • I’m glad 2016 has made you stronger! Here’s to another year of growth and adventure 🙂


  • Thank you, Eva. Thank you for being my inspiration and motivation every day. You helped me to belive that dreams come true, to find passion in photography, travelling and blogging. You made my life much better. After this post I can’t wait to read your book, I’m obsessed. You made me cry right now. I’d love to meet you one day!
    (sorry for any mistakes, my english isn’t perfect)

    luska-everywhere – here is my blog for anyone who cares 😉

  • Anna Banana

    Eva, I am so happy you shared this with us! It’s sad to see so many social media influences fall into that “LA lifestyle”. I bet most of them do drugs and party so other people will think their cool. I don’t even think most of them like it! I respect you writing this post, because it is easy to lose sight of who you are when you are surrounded by toxic people. I’m so glad you have the savage squad now! Wish you all the best in your quest for all things good✨

  • Purple Rose

    You are so inspiring and have inspired me to make my own blog. Your blogs are so inspiring and the way you write makes me warm and fuzzy. I am sorry your year wasnt the best for you but as you said, it’s not the best year of anyones life…
    from the clowns, DONALD TRUMP, and just my friends, it was hard.
    Purple Rose<3

  • Monica Mellado

    love u lotssss Eva!

  • Sarah

    Hi Eva, it’s not the first time that I come here to read this article. I remember the first time I do and it was an amazing satisfaction for me to know that I’m not alone. I don’t smoke, I don’t’ drink and I love enjoy life just like you. I have a past but today I’m just a simple girl who try everyday to be healthier, happier and better. You’re such an inspiration for me and you can imagine how much I love you because you make me feel like I’m on the right way. Today I have a question. I totally understand the fact that I can’t judge people who do drugs and drink but how do you deal with the people who judge your lifestyle? However I’m there always some people who judge me and with no filtre. I’m just like “no thanks, I don’t drink” and then I hear “why? So what are you doing in your free time?” and then they start to laugh at me and don’t respect me, who i am. I try to act like it doesn’t heart me but it does. I know that this people are not my friend but it’s so frustrating to respect everybody and to don’t have respect back. I’m okay with who i am and I hope to find some friends like me one day. Thank you to be you Eva ❤️

    Sorry if my enflish isn’t perfect, I’m from Switzerland.